Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
