I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize