you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
