I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize