Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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