Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
