Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
