Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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