Michael Bay diarrhea
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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