Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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