literally had 100 drinks last night.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
