gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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