It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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