Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
