My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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