what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
