I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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