Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
