I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
