Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
