I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
