Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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