you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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