Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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