well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
