watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i love accidental penises.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.