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You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Randomize
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