The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works