I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious