Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms