oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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