Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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