then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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