oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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