i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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