Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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