when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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