so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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