I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
