toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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