apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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