Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
