I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
