remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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