Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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