My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
