You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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