I'm drive I can fine osifer
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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