was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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