u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
