I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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