I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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