How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
