Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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