New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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