If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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