I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
