it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
