I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
