Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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