i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you win again, gameday.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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