Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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