I don't think brook has ever known best
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
