whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
