Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
